Motherless Daughter's Day
Journey of Hearts
A Healing Place in CyberSpaceTM
Motherless Daughter's Day
As for Valentines Day this year,
we created a Ways of Coping, so too are we creating a page for coping with
Mother's Day, in particular for the Motherless Daughters, with suggestions
and resources to make it a less painful occasion. This is dedicated to
all those who have lost their mothers, at any age.
||She never outgrows the burden of love,
and to the end she carries the weight of
hope for those she bore.
The loss that women feel when losing
a mother carries a special significance. In her book, Motherless Daughters,
author Hope Edelman describes this loss:
Without a mother, women often feel,
as did Tony Talbot on the death of her mother:
Ask any woman whose mother has
and she will tell you that her
life is irrevocably altered;
that this one fact forever changes
who she is and who she will be.
Gone is the caregiver, teacher,
adversary, role-model, and guide to being a woman.
life now is only my own.
Talbot, on her mother's death
These two poems I though conveyed
the sentiment that I would like to believe any mother would want to pass
on to those left behind, not to remember and be sad, but to realize that
life goes on, "So Sing as well."
Christina Rosetti 1830-1894
Remember Me when I am
Gone far away into the
When you can no more hold
me by the hand
Nor I half turn to go,
yet turning stay.
Remember me when no more
day by day
You tell me of our future
that you planned:
Only remember me; you
It will be late to counsel
then or pray.
Yet if you should forget
me for a while
And afterwards remember,
do not grieve:
For if the darkness and
A vestige of the thought
that once I had,
Better by far you should
forget and smile
Than that you should remember
and be sad.
||If I should go before the rest of you
Break not a flower or inscribe a stone,
Nor when I'm gone speak in a Sunday voice
But be the usual selves that I have known.
Weep if you must
Parting is hell,
But life goes on,
So sing as well.
of Coping with Mother's Day
For those who have lost loved ones,
holidays can be particularly difficult. For those who have lost a mother,
Mother's Day can be an especially difficult day, without the mother to
share the day. The words of Johnetta Cole, to me are encouraging, "I seem
to be her daughter, in increasingly profound ways." We hope to help encourage
the finding of ways those profound ways.
|The woman who bore me is no
longer alive, but I seem to be her daughter....
in increasingly profound ways.
As is each person's loss unique,
so too are their ways of healing. For some, there is comfort in groups,
or with families. For others, there is comfort in solitude and the stillness
in remembering. These are just a few suggestions, which may or may not
work for you, but we hope will inspire you to find some that do.
Develop a new ritual and Celebrate
Motherless Daughter's Day - In 1996 Motherless Daughters sponsored
the first Motherless Daughter Day Luncheon on Mother's Day, for women who
had lost their mothers to gather and to honor their mothers and celebrate
their lives. For more information, check with your local Motherless Daughters
Find a support group or people you
can share your feelings with and talk about the deceased patent. Friends
may not understand why, so it is often helpful to share the feelings with
those who have been through a similar experience. Check with Motherless
Daughters, or Mom's
Halo for resources.
Participate in The Kindness Project
- This project encourages people to perform a random act of kindness to
honor your loved one. A good suggestion for those trying to find ways to
Remember and honor your loved one by
planting flowers, or a tree, lighting a candle, creating a remembrance
ceremony, a cybermemorial. (See our Ways of Remembering Section for other
Spend the day doing something that
you used to enjoy together (if not too painful) -- cooking, gardening,
Take some quiet time to remember. Go
for a long walk with a special verse or poem.
Create a book of memories, with old
photos and letters or spend the day remembering.
Spend the day with family, brother's
a sisters remembering Mom.
Motherless Daughters - was
formed to provide support, community, and resources to women and girls
who have experienced early mother loss. This organization is committed
to bringing together motherless daughters, otherwise isolated, to encourage
healing among them and to promote awareness about the longlasting effects
of such a loss. Their website contains links to other resources, articles
and local chapters in the United States, England and Canada.
Last updated May 3, 1999
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To return to home page.
A Unique Loss by Nancy Reuben
Greenfield - An article
from 1996 that still speaks to the feelings, the reactions and resources
for Motherless Daughters.
Mothers and Daughters Interactive
Magazine (Website) was Inspired by the 1997 ABC Television Special,
Mothers and Daughters. This site combines a multimedia magazine, women's
resource center, and on-line discussion groups. The original special, Mothers
and Daughters, was a groundbreaking film that explores the unique relationship
between mothers and daughters by chronicling women's experiences from cradle
to grave. The website is separated into five main areas, exploreing a specific
stage in the life cycle of the unique Mother-Daughter relationship: Birth,
Growing Up, Separation, Woman to Woman and
Facing Death and Renewal. The site provides an on-line discussion group.
One of the Sections, Facing Death
and Renewal includes an article on Losing a Mother Early
Mom's Halo is a personal website
devoted for Motherless Children of all ages to find comfort, fellowship,
healing, and hope. This website is for Motherless Children to come together
and share their stories, to tell about your Mom, how the loss has effected
your life, or just offer some words of encouragement, hope and healing.
The Children's Room Forum is a
bulletin board to post messages to other Motherless Children and/or those
who care about them. Visitors are encouraged to post messages or respond
to other's postings. To quote their creator about the Children's
room, "In this room it is okay to cry and laugh. It's okay to talk about
Mom -- her life and her death."
The Kindness Project - This
project was created by the Arizona SIDS Alliancs and M.I.S.S. Mothers In
Sympathy and Support as a way of remembering a child. They have now expanded
the project for anyone who has suffered the loss of a loved one. The Kindness
Project encourages people to perform a random act of kindness to honor
your loved one. A good suggestion for those trying to find ways to remember.