Ways of Coping
Motherless Daughter's Day
Journey of Hearts 
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Motherless Daughter's Day
As for Valentines Day this year, we created a Ways of Coping, so too are we creating a page for coping with Mother's Day, in particular for the Motherless Daughters, with suggestions and resources to make it a less painful occasion. This is dedicated to all those who have lost their mothers, at any age.
She never outgrows the burden of love, 
and to the end she carries the weight of hope for those she bore. 
Florida Scott-Maxwell

The loss that women feel when losing a mother carries a special significance. In her book, Motherless Daughters, author Hope Edelman describes this loss:

Without a mother, women often feel, as did Tony Talbot on the death of her mother: Remember
These two poems I though conveyed the sentiment that I would like to believe any mother would want to pass on to those left behind, not to remember and be sad, but to realize that life goes on, "So Sing as well."
Remember Me
Christina Rosetti 1830-1894
    Remember Me when I am gone away, 
    Gone far away into the silent land; 
    When you can no more hold me by the hand
    Nor I half turn to go, yet turning stay. 

    Remember me when no more day by day 
    You tell me of our future that you planned: 
    Only remember me; you understand
    It will be late to counsel then or pray. 

    Yet if you should forget me for a while 
    And afterwards remember, do not grieve: 
    For if the darkness and corruption leave 
    A vestige of the thought that once I had,
    Better by far you should forget and smile 
    Than that you should remember and be sad.

If I should go before the rest of you
Break not a flower or inscribe a stone,
Nor when I'm gone speak in a Sunday voice
But be the usual selves that I have known.
Weep if you must
Parting is hell,
But life goes on,
So sing as well.
Joyce Grenfell

Ways of Coping with Mother's Day

For those who have lost loved ones, holidays can be particularly difficult. For those who have lost a mother, Mother's Day can be an especially difficult day, without the mother to share the day. The words of Johnetta Cole, to me are encouraging, "I seem to be her daughter, in increasingly profound ways." We hope to help encourage the finding of ways those profound ways.

The woman who bore me is no longer alive, but I seem to be her daughter....

in increasingly profound ways. 

Johnetta B. Cole

As is each person's loss unique, so too are their ways of healing. For some, there is comfort in groups, or with families. For others, there is comfort in solitude and the stillness in remembering. These are just a few suggestions, which may or may not work for you, but we hope will inspire you to find some that do.

Ideal and dearly beloved voices
of those who are dead,
or of those who are lost to us like the dead.

Sometimes they speak to us in our dreams;
sometimes in thought the mind hears them.

And for a moment with their echo other echoes
return from the first poetry of our lives--
like music that extinguishes the far-off night.

C.P. Cavafy
Last updated May 3, 1999
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