that sorrow carves into your being, the more joy you can contain.
Condolences & Sympathy
Place in CyberSpaceTM
"What can I do, now?"
This page is here for anyone
who may be in an immediate state of shock or grief phase, having just experienced
a loss (e.g. death, ending of a relationship, or receiving other catastrophic
news) and are now in the stage of "What can I do, now?"
Perhaps a scene that best describes
this state of mind, is from "Sleepless in Seattle," when Tom Hanks' character
is talking about the days following the death of his wife, reliving those
feelings as he speaks on the phone when he states..." I had to remind myself
The wind casts seeds
to scatter in the breeze.
We plant seeds of
love into others' souls to bloom.
Those who bloom in
the hearts of others never die.
In this section of the site,
we hope to create some calming images, share some soothing words, some
words of inspiration and some ways of remembering to help with the initial
numbing phases, to nullify the shock and help start slow healing process.
The Ache that never leaves
It is also for anyone who may
be experiencing a long-term grief, one that never leaves; it becomes a
part of you. This kind of loss is one where--
the hurt never truly goes away,
it just gets smaller and condensed, tucked away in a corner somewhere in
the deep recesses of your heart. There it remains at a constant low level
ache, which with time often can be barely perceptible. But the intensity
of the grief and loss can surface again, just as painful, and often without
warning, making you feel that your were once again experiencing the loss
What seems to happen is that with
time, as you begin to heal, the pain seems to lessen to a level that you
can function. Depending on the type of loss and your ability to heal, you
can put the loss aside to the barely perceptible level and begin anew.
"How does one become a butterfly?"
she asked pensively.
"You must want to fly so much
that you are willing to give up being a caterpillar."
"You meant to die?" asked Yellow.
" Yes and no," he answered. "What
at first looks like you will die, but what is really... you will live."
"I CAN feel better."
I chose the title "What can I
do, now?" as opposed to "What do I do, now?" to stress the importance of
the word "CAN." Although you may be in a state of shock, there still are
thing that you CAN do to help yourself, recognizing that you are not a
victim to your circumstances. In the early phases of the grief response,
the "Why Me?" stages it may seem like it. Chosing to live again, chosing
to find ways that "I CAN feel better," does not diminish the loss. This
is particularly important if it was a loss through death, where there may
be guilt associated with not staying in 'mourning' long enough. I believe
that the people I have lost would be glad to see that I am living, not
staying in 'mourning." You just reach a point where you decide to not allow
the loss to control your life and choose to live.
they speak to us
in our dreams;
the wind hears them,
And for a moment
with their echo
Other echoes return
from the first poetry
of our loves.
Learning to Live Again Webring
For this reason, Journey of
Hearts joined the Learning to Live Again Webring. This webring is a ring
of stories, of loss, survival and learning to live again. When I saw the
name, the purpose of the ring, and their graphic with a flying angel-butterfly,
it was a ring that could have been created from Journey of Hearts, so it
was one we needed to join.
From it's creator, Ashli Gillespie,
who formed the ring after the death of her infant daughter to SIDS, as
a way to bring share the experience of loss in hope that it would help
"In everyone's life there are
tests. These tests determine who we are. How we survive is sometimes a
story that must be told for those who are searching for the answers. Our
stories are important. Sometimes we get caught up in our own lives that
we don't realize that we can reach out to others, sharing our experiences,
so they can learn from what we've done. This is the ring that binds together
these stories. The stories of our strengths, courage, hope, hard work,
and yes, even our mistakes, can bind us together to help someone who may
need it, or even ourselves. My goal is to have this be a ring of hope.
So that others know that they too can Learn To Live Again know matter what
life changing circumstance has affected their life."
I believe that the telling of the
story is part of the healing process. Many of the sites in this ring deal
with the loss of a loved ones. Some deal with recovery from chemical and/or
alcohol abuse, and others surviving sexual or physical abuse. For those
who might be offended by certain topics, I would advise checking out the
overall listing, to find a site with a story that may help. We are glad
to be joining a ring that binds together these stories of survival--those
who have, are or will be "Learning to Live Again."
This page is part of:
Journey of Hearts
A Healing Place in
Last updated January 3, 1999
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